Monday, September 27, 2004 @1:29 AM
I can live and walk like any other normal human beings, even leaving in a life better then others. But I hate myself, I hate myself for being a smart aleck, hate myself for being complacent, hate myself for giving up so easily, and worst of all I HATE myself for being lazy to change myself even when I know I’ve all these bad points in me. I REALLY WANNA SMACK SOME BALLS NOW!!! Darn! I’m a patient guy, I always tell myself. But how much patient do I really have? Deep down, I want to be someone fast. I feel like I’m using drawing as an excuse for being lazy and “patient” to be a word which only serves to cover up my laziness. Seriously that’s how I feel. Facing something I hate to do, I’ll turn to drawing. I’m running away like a kid. I fear I’ll never grow up, never grow out of this fake gentleman I tried to be.
Should I continue living like this?
Would grow up as time pass?
Should I remind myself everyday how I felt yesterday?
Would that be too cruel to myself?
mood swing should stop after a good rest (guess it won't work this time)... Nitex